01. Fast Lane

I'm drivin' slow in the fast lane. I'm drivin' everybody insane.
Trouble is my first name, and I burn some low octane.
And you're thinkin' I ain't got a brain.
Just two ears with a hole in between
Cussin' your luck for bein' behind me again.
I'm drivin' slow in the fast lane.

I got my radio turned up. I'm spittin' snuff in a coffee cup.
I got my dogs in the back of my truck.
I'm headed down to the Dixie Cup
And never mind my rearview.
I'm thinkin' 'bout what I'm gonna do
Cheese crackers and a Mountain Dew.
I'm feelin' great. Too bad about you!

I'm drivin' slow in the fast lane. I'm drivin' everybody insane.
Hazard is my second name, and I burn some low octane.
And you're thinkin' I ain't got a brain.
Just two ears with a hole in between.
Cussin' your luck for bein' behind me again.
I'm drivin' slow in the fast lane.

Ain't in a hurry to get nowhere.
Why you followin' so close back there?
I could pull over, but I don't care!
Go ahead and pull out your hair.
And if you honk at me anymore -
I think I can go a little bit slower
Then you can't use cruise anymore.
Why you shakin' your fist out the door?

I'm drivin slow in the fast lane.
I'm drivin' everybody insane.
Stupid is my last name and I burn some low octane.
And you're thinkin' I ain't got a brain.
Just two ears with a hole in between.
Cussin your luck for bein' behind me again.
I'm drivin' slow in the fast lane

02. I'm In Treatment

My bank account is empty. My credit cards are maxed.
The IRS keeps calling wantin' me to pay my tax.
My wife keeps on reminding me 'bout the stuff I ain't done yet,
and the debt collector's calling 'bout those bills I'm tryin' to forget.
I'm searchin' for some answers, but I haven't found 'em yet.
I'm in treatment. I'm in treatment.

The doctor told me "Son. How is it that you feel?
Are you angry? Are you sad? Are you sure that this is real?"
He said "Tell me 'bout your mother. Tell me 'bout your dad.
Tell me 'bout your good times. Tell me about the bad."
He said "Now show me some money, and your credit card won't do."
I'm in treatment. I'm in treatment.

Over there sits Crazy Sally, she pulled out all her hair.
Next to her is Count Dracula lookin' for someone to scare.
Next to me sits Jesus, right beside Albert Einstein,
and he's by this guy I never met who says
he's a friend of mine.
And then there's this guy who says he sees all even though he's blind.
I'm in treatment. I'm in treatment.

How come I start cryin' when I'm watchin' TV ads?
How come I keep wakin' up from all the nightmares I've had?
I got aliens in the front yard - weird creatures in the back.
Elvis is in the neighborhood. He's got my wife in the sack.
I think I might be goin' crazy. If I do I ain't comin' back.
I'm in treatment. I'm in treatment.

Doctor! Please doctor! Can't you try and cure my ills?
And I'm getting kinda' tired of talkin' so can't you just give me a pill?
Don't set up no more meetin's, and don't charge me no more dough.
Don't put me with those weirdo's, 'cause I ain't gonna go!
I'm slippin' and I'm slidin' and I can't take no more.
I'm in treatment. I'm in treatment.

03. Checkin'

I was checkin' out the menu when she walked into the venue.
She sat down at a table and she crossed her knees.
She was a real cutie. I thought it was my duty
to see if I could find a way for her to notice me.
I strolled up beside her and as I walked by her I turned
around and caught her eyes sparklin' at me.

I was checkin' to see if she was checkin' to see if I
was checkin' to see if she was checkin' on me.
I reckon I caught her checkin to see if I was checkin'
to see if she was checkin on me.

She asked me to her table. I hoped I would be able to
keep that little twinkle there in her eyes.
We had some conversation. I kept waitin' to see if she was
gonna find a reason to leave, but she stayed longer
and longer, the twinkle grew stronger, and every time
I looked at her she smiled right back at me.

I was checkin' to see if she was checkin' to see if I
was checkin' to see if she was checkin' on me.
I reckon I caught her checkin' to see if I was checkin'
to see if she was checkin on me.

We stayed late into the night, looked into each other's eyes.
We lingered over dinner 'till we had to leave.
When it was time to go home we didn't want to go alone.
I asked if she'd come over for a nightcap with me.
When she said alright I was feelin' outasight,
and all the way home she was checkin' to see.

If I was checkin' to see if she was checkin' to see if
I was checkin' to see if she was checkin' on me.
I reckon I caught her checkin' to see if I was checkin
to see if she was checkin' on me.

To see if I was checkin' to see...if she was checkin'
on me.

04. Port "A" Lodge

I'm sittin' at the Port "A" Lodge and I'm havin' a drink.
Watchin' all the girls comin' in from off the beach.
The jukebox is playin' a Stevie Ray tune. I just got up.
It's half past noon. You might catch me on a Monday
but today I'll be hard to reach.

I got here Friday night. I just had to get away.
Couldn't think of any other place I'd rather stay.
Now I'm getting' real friendly with this Shiner Bock.
I'm feelin' kinda mellow. I'm likin' it a lot.
I've got a job on Monday but today I'll be at the beach.

Chorus

I'm here at Mustang Island.
I'm sittin' right on the beach - hearin' music and laughter -
watchin' pretty girls with sand on their feet.
I hear the surf rollin in. I feel so good it's a sin.
Here comes another bikini. I'm at the Island again.

If I don't get back on Monday, you'll know I decided to stay.
You'll know I got so relaxed I couldn't tear myself away.
But I'll be back on Tuesday. Well maybe not.
I might just use all the sick leave I've got.
It's so hard to leave once you get to the beach.

Chorus

Tag

Oh I hope you understand I  had to go back to the island.
Oh I hope you understand I  had to go back to the island.
It's so hard to leave once you get to the beach.

05. Rockin' Chair

A neighbor came to my home one day -
Joe Bitter was his name -
and we sat down to talk about how we felt the same.
I sang a couple of songs for him and told him how I got ideas,
and as Dr. Bitter got up to leave, he offered me this:

He said: "Worry is like a rockin' chair. It gives you
somethin'  to do but it won't get you anywhere."

Then Dr. Bitter said to me as he picked up his hat
"If you're not doin' much else today - make a song out of that."
So I thought of all the good in life and with my neighbor's mandate
I pitied all the sufferin' souls afflicted by hate.

'Cause hate is like a rockin' chair. It gives you
somethin' to do but it won't get you anywhere.

And I thought about human nature and how we all feel inside
and I wept for all the souls imprisoned by pride.

'Cause pride is like a rockin' chair. It gives you
somethin' to do but it won't get you anywhere.

And I thought of all the wasted time chasin' things we don't need
and I bowed my head in silent prayer for the souls shackled to greed.

'Cause greed is like a rockin' chair. It gives you
somethin' to do but it won't get you anywhere.

And I thought of all the good in life as I dried my eyes,
and I wondered about my neighbor and what he'd said and why....

He said "Worry is like a rockin' chair. It gives you
somethin' to do but it won't get you anywhere."

06. Draggin' Things

Back in the pasture when I was just a kid,
I'm amazed at the things we did.
Stealin' watermelons and swingin' on vines,
but draggin' things was some of my best times.

We'd be draggin' things..Have mercy here we go!
Draggin' things..Up and down dirt roads.
Draggin' things..Fallin' off on our heads!
Draggin' things..How come we ain't dead?

Out ridin' horses - nothin' better to do.
We had some rope, and we found a board too.
We tied one end to the saddle and one to the wood
and started draggin' each other as fast as we could.

We were draggin' things..Watch them dirt clods fly!
Draggin' things..We had to cover up our eyes!
Draggin' things..Look out for that bush!!
Draggin' things..I busted my tush.

We got older - drivin' automobiles.
Same attitude and still plenty of fields.
With an old car hood and a long piece of chain,
there we were draggin' things again

We were draggin' things..Up and down the beach!
Draggin' things..That old hood leaked.
Draggin' things..Sparks would fly!!!
Draggin' things..We had goggles on our eyes.

We had some big ditches where I used to live,
and when it would rain those ditches would fill.
With some rope and some ski's and a long stretch of road
we used to drag each other behind my 59 ford

We'd be draggin' things..Look out snake
Draggin' things..For goodness sake.
Draggin' things..Barbwire fence!!!
Draggin things..We didn't have no sense!!

My wife broke her leg and went on a river float.
We had hell getting' her in that boat!
She drank too much beer and got kinda tanked,
and we had to drag her back up the bank!

We were draggin' things..man that bank was steep!
Draggin' things..Somebody go get the jeep!
Draggin' things..Now throw her a line!
Draggin' things..We had a helluva time!

But now we're middle aged - roll models for our kids.
We sit and think about the crazy things we did.
We're not finished yet. We're gonna show -
with a new four wheeler and a flat bottomed boat

We'll be draggin' things..Lot's of pillows stuffed in.
Draggin' things..Helmets strapped to our chins!
Draggin' things..Don't go so fast!!!
Draggin' things..We might fall in the grass.

Now I know what you're thinking.
You're wishin' I'd quit.
But I'm gonna keep singin' in spite of it.
'Cause I like this song even though it's kinda long.
I'm gonna try to drag it out all night long

I'll keep draggin' things..Watch my fingers pick.
Draggin' things..Am I makin' y'all sick?
Draggin' things..All night and all day!
Draggin' things..Long as y'all stay!
I'll keep Draggin' things...................

07. Millenneum